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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24466336">The Tale of the Waldhexe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinnsKeeper/pseuds/FinnsKeeper'>FinnsKeeper</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Found Family, Gen, I absolutely could not resist, but it's the Nein, narrative telephone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:47:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,176</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24466336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinnsKeeper/pseuds/FinnsKeeper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Caleb attempts to tell a scary story. Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Mighty Nein &amp; Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Tale of the Waldhexe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Know any good ghost stories?”</p><p>Of all the questions Caduceus could have asked him, Caleb had to admit that one was low on the list of possibilities.</p><p>“I’m sorry?” He glanced over at his watch companion for the evening, half paying attention to Frumpkin prowling about some distance away.</p><p>“You never told scary stories around a campfire when you were a kid?"</p><p>Caleb remembered the brief but memorable introduction of the Clay siblings and wondered not for the first time if there was more to their sagely firbolg friend than met the eye.</p><p>“<i>Ja</i>, of course. It’s just...it’s been a while.”</p><p>“Colton used to tell some good ones,” Caduceus smiled in the firelight, his gaze wistful but not sad. It was easy to imagine him and his siblings gathered around a similar fire in the Savalirwood swapping scary stories and just enjoying each other’s company. </p><p>“Do you regret not going home with them?” Caleb asked after a moment.</p><p>Caduceus’ answer was swift and sure. “No. I’m still needed here, out in the world, I think. But nights like this…” His gaze shifted upward to the expansive sky dotted with millions of stars. The twin moons shone brightly overhead, sending shafts of silvery light through the trees to dance on the ground. All in all, it was a peaceful night, and Caleb was thankful for it. They’d had far too much excitement these last few months and it was about time for some downtime. Camping out had been Jester’s idea; they were in a relatively safe area of Xhorhas and (for the moment) they had no discernible enemies. She’d gotten nostalgic for “the good old days” and none of them had the heart to deny her request. So they set shifts, just like old times, and for the first night outdoors in a long time, Caleb did not set up the hut.</p><p>Something about the soft shush of the wind through the trees and the crackling the fire set Caleb’s mind at rest, and he smiled. “It’s not a ghost story, but I do know of a rather grim folk tale that my grandfather used to tell me when I was a boy.”</p><p>Caduceus smiled. “That’ll do, if you’d like to share it.”</p><p>Caleb hadn’t thought about his grandfather for a long time. His mother’s father had been a man of the land, a farmer who had been born, lived and died in Blumenthal. It was from him that Caleb had learned the value of hard work and the importance of family. He took a moment to recall kind blue eyes—not unlike his own—smiling down at him, crinkling the weather-worn skin. He could still smell his pipe smoke mixed with an earthy aroma that never went away after a day in the fields, even after a thorough washing. His accent, thicker than Caleb’s own, but confident as he spoke in Common—a request from Caleb’s own mother to teach her son the language of the Empire. He’d been too young then to really understand, but his mother had known even then how stringent the Empire had been on conformity. </p><p>“Let’s see,” Caleb leaned back on his hands, stretching his long legs out in front of him. The warmth of the fire at his back licked at his arms, but for once it didn’t bother him. “It is an old tale, and it has been a while since I’ve heard it, so please forgive any mistakes.”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Caduceus straightened up eagerly, “It’s not like I’ll know any better.”</p><p>“Okay.” Caleb cleared his throat and began, pitching his voice low to mimic the way his grandfather had spoken. “Every <i>junge</i> and <i>mädchen</i> of the Empire knows the story of the dreaded <i>waldhexe</i>…”</p><p>***************</p><p>“...now you must go home and send me your children, and your children after them, and their children after them, and I will eat of their hearts and their minds and their eyes. And the city will grow and the wheat will grow and the city will be blessed forevermore.”</p><p>Beau crunched the last bite from her apple and sat back in her seat. “Nope, doesn’t sound familiar.”</p><p>Caduceus deflated slightly from where he’d been eagerly anticipating her reaction to his rendition of the story. “Are you sure? Caleb seemed quite certain that all children from the Empire knew that story.”</p><p>“I mean, I didn’t exactly have a normal childhood,” Beau stood up from the table where she and Caduceus had taken lunch. The rest of the Nein were out shopping and exploring a new town in the southern region of Xhorhas, but Beau and Caduceus had stayed behind to finish their rather robust meal. “It’s possible I’m just like an outlier, or whatever. Cool story, though!” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a few coins before making a beeline for the door and the city beyond, leaving Caduceus frowning at his empty plate.</p><p>***************</p><p>“And they had heard of this vortex, and they went into the woods. And on the edge of the woods they found a hut with this hag.” Beau sat cross legged atop a large boulder, Yasha her only companion as the others scouted for the area. She tried to remember as best she could everything Caduceus had told her, but admittedly the details were getting a bit fuzzy. By the time she got to the final child, her confidence was slipping.</p><p>“Are you sure this is how the story goes?” Yasha interrupted Beau’s rather dramatic retelling, her arm paused mid-motion as she sharpened her sword. “Why did they go there if this would happen?”</p><p>“Of course I’m sure,” Beau sighed, bolstered once more by the challenge. “Now are you gonna let me finish the story or not?”</p><p>“That depends,” Yasha answered, resuming her sharpening, “are you gonna knock off that terrible attempt at Caleb’s accent?”</p><p>“Of course not, that’s half the fun.”</p><p>Yasha sighed heavily. “Proceed.”</p><p>******************</p><p>“She sees the first kid and she rips open the top of his head and she takes some of the brains out and she’s like…” Yasha chomped noisily on air as she gleefully recounted the story to Jester. Beau was snoring softly in the corner of the room they were sharing, her face bruised from the bar fight she’d won just an hour before. And though Yasha wasn’t really trying to be quiet, she supposed Beau had drank enough alcohol to keep a moorbounder unconscious for a day or two, monk constitution or no.  </p><p>Jester listened to the story with wide eyes, equally enthralled and terrified as she clutched at her chest. “Oh no…”</p><p>“So she’s eating the brains, and then the kid loses the ability to think for himself. And then the second kid, she goes up the second kid and she pulls out the eyeballs and she takes the eyeballs and she’s like…” Yasha doubled down on the chomping noises, and Jester’s hands curled more tightly into her tiny frame. </p><p>“Does it get less gross?” Jester asked meekly.</p><p>Yasha blinked for a moment as if she’d spoken a foreign language, then shook her head. “No.”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>*****************</p><p>“And then she runs up to the third kid, and—” Jester thrust her fingers toward her chest and, with terrifyingly accurate sound effects, mimed pulling a still-beating heart from within her own body, “—rips out his beating heart and eats it all.”</p><p>It was difficult telling the story on the back of Yarnball, but Fjord didn’t seem to mind. They’d retrieved the beasts from Bazzoxan and (after a lengthy discussion on animal welfare and responsibility) had paid for nearly four months’ worth of boarding and feed for the three moorbounders.</p><p>“That’s disgusting,” Fjord commented. “Are you certain that’s how Caleb told it?”</p><p>“That’s how Yasha told it,” Jester countered, “and she’s really not one of those people who embellishes things, you know? So it must be.”</p><p>“You’re right. Carry on.”</p><p>*********************</p><p>“And when these <i>drei</i> kids go to visit the witch in the vortex—I think there was a name. I think Jester said Krull?—the witch, she snags the first kid and she…” Fjord munched on an invisible morsel in his hand, trying not to look Essek in the face. “She eats his brain, and the kid can no longer think for himself. He’s not dead, he just can’t think for himself.”</p><p>Essek stood completely still as Fjord struggled through his retelling. It certainly sounded like a terrifying story (at least, he supposed it would have if Fjord could stop laughing every other sentence) though why anyone would want to frighten their children in such a way was beyond his understanding. </p><p>“She eats his heart...<i>boom boom, boom boom</i>. Eats the heart…” Fjord paused. “Okay, I admit, I was a bit distracted because Jester added new jewelry to her horns and the chain kept catching the light and I couldn’t focus…”</p><p>Essek sighed, wondering if or when he would ever be allowed to return to his library. But he supposed moments like these were the price for having friends, and he’d gladly take them over the silent loneliness that had filled his life up to this point. The rest of the Nein were waiting in the parlor, so Essek urged Fjord onward with a polite hum, hoping the end of the story was near.</p><p>****************</p><p>“And now the child is cursed to not have a mind of his own. The other two children apparently just stand there and watch this happen and are like ‘my turn.’ And the hag goes to the second child and pulls him in and eats away his eyes. He is cursed forever to see into darkness, his eyes missing.”</p><p>Veth’s legs swung back and forth from where she was perched next to him on the edge of the roof. Essek knew that, of all the Nein, Veth had taken his betrayal the hardest, and it was with her that he worked the hardest to regain her trust. He figured telling her a story from Caleb’s homeland would help convince her that he was invested in their lives for more than just the skills they offered.</p><p>“And the third child who—for whatever gods-forsaken reason is still there and is not running—the hag goes, ‘Come here!’ and grabs the third child and eats his heart.” Essek tried to mimic the fairly disgusting sounds Fjord had used when he’d told the story, though he felt quite silly doing so. Luckily for him, Veth seemed to be enjoying the tale. So he continued on until the end of the story, happy to have found at least some small measure of peace with his smallest friend.</p><p>*********************</p><p>“The dry children ran from the dark woods, from the dark place with the hag. They jumped back through the portal vortex and they came out into the Zemnian Fields where they shouted loud and wide for all children, for generations to listen to them saying, ‘Do not go into the vortex! You will be cursed with no brain, no feelings, no sight, no sound. You will be cursed in all of these ways. You will not see, feel, or hear!’ And this warning of the curse has echoed for generations.”</p><p>When Veth had come to him claiming to have heard a Zemnian folk tale, he’d been a bit proud that his campfire story had been good enough for Caduceus to share. But the story Veth had told him was an...interesting one, and he stood frozen for a moment, speechless.</p><p>Finally, he found his voice, and despite Veth’s hopeful expression, he was unable to keep the mirthful tease from his tone. “What a wonderful story that I’ve never heard before.”</p><p>Veth shook her head, her smile falling away from her face. “Essek is the one I heard it from. Why? Was it bad?”</p><p>“No, no, no,” Caleb hurried on to reassure her. “It was wonderfully told. It was just a bit...different than the one I had originally told <i>Herr</i> Clay.”</p><p>Veth crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. “Well, blame Essek. He must have heard it wrong.”</p><p>But when Caleb asked Essek, he was shocked to discover that he, too, had heard it from a different source. It took him the better part of a day to track his tale back through each member of the Nein, and by the time he made it to Caduceus’ tower-top he had collected the rest of them in a trail behind him.</p><p>“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Caduceus greeted his family warmly, ready with a batch of tea for them all as they gathered around the tree.</p><p>Caleb took a small sip and settled back against the trunk next to Beau. “I just thought you all would like to hear the story in its original form.” Excited affirmations echoed in the small space as the Mighty Nein crowded around in a tight circle. Caleb looked upon them all for a moment, thankful for each of them in turn, before beginning. </p><p>“Every <i>junge</i> and <i>mädchen</i> of the Empire knows the story of the dreaded <i>waldhexe</i>…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know I say this every single time, but this was my favorite Narrative Telephone. I'm a sucker for Liam being a Dramatic Boi anyway, but this was just sooooo good. I actually went back and typed out the whole story just to have it because it's that good.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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